Thrillogy

The return of dreaded continuity. I swear that three is our lucky number and this will be the last time I discuss ransomware in this space, at least for a little while.

BlackCat/ALPHV is apparently falling apart this week if you’ve been following that story closely. The official word is that they stole the $22 million payment from UnitedHealthcare and collectively ghosted the world. Which, you know, that money is kind of already stolen? I mean, that’s what blackmail basically is, guys. In this context it means that people in the ransomware gang split and took their loot, without the consent of some of their partners.

The gang had thrown up a message on their website saying that it had been impounded as part of law enforcement actions by a variety of international agencies including Britain’s National Crime Agency. Of course, the agency denies having anything to do with it, so what appears to have happened is an exit scam by several of the hackers.

This week several groups have called to outlaw ransomware payments for reasons that include this, but it’s not a new concept and it hasn’t been adopted for a reason. Namely that you couldn’t have a hard and fast ban on ransomware payments, you would need a myriad of exceptions built into that legislation to account for a variety of factors and situations that could arise. That’s complicated and tricky work.

Also, blackmail works because people want their secrets kept, and let’s not pretend for a minute that an inconvenient federal fine will stop any of the larger corporations from paying to keep their dirty laundry out of the public eye. It’s not great to hear your private information got stolen in a ransomware hack, it’s significantly less ideal to hear about it 10 years later following a federal investigation.

So, for now, the best course of action seems to be to grin and bear it while we shore up cyber defenses. One way or another this year artificial intelligence (AI) is going to change the face of cybersecurity and ransomware, so the idea that we could legislate away this problem right now seems like a non-starter. 

As for the rest of the BlackCat gang who just missed their cut of $22 million? Oh well, no honor among thieves and all that. Wasn’t that the third Aladdin movie? Hah, all good things come in threes.

Except Aladdin.